


The Way I Hope For Your Validation (i Beg You)

by AnthoAndHisShenanigans



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, BTW, Betrayal, But Only One Sentense, Cub is a Mess Y'all, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Reference Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Mind Control, Intrusive Thoughts, Kinda, Light Angst, Mainly Just Self Projection So Don't Expect Much, No Beta We Die Like Author's Last Braincell During The Title Thinking Process, Self-Worth Issues, Unhealthy Friendship, convex, it's one-sided, season 6, slight graphic description of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 09:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30086739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnthoAndHisShenanigans/pseuds/AnthoAndHisShenanigans
Summary: To be honest I don't even know what to expect but here's a fair disclaimer that this fic contains intrusive thoughts that are fucked up but the character doesn't act on any of it. Those thoughts are basically about wishing trauma upon others, but said character didn't do anything that actually inflicts trauma onto said "others".This fic is in no way hinting at anything about the friendships between the hermits, this fic is solely just me using my own mess of problems as a fanfic idea.By the way, this fic is connected with one of my works, Friend with The Vex but can also read as a standalone.
Relationships: Cubfan135 & Ryan | GoodTimesWithScar
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	The Way I Hope For Your Validation (i Beg You)

**Author's Note:**

> To be honest I don't even know what to expect but here's a fair disclaimer that this fic contains intrusive thoughts that are fucked up but the character doesn't act on any of it. Those thoughts are basically about wishing trauma upon others, but said character didn't do anything that actually inflicts trauma onto said "others".
> 
> This fic is in no way hinting at anything about the friendships between the hermits, this fic is solely just me using my own mess of problems as a fanfic idea.
> 
> By the way, this fic is connected with one of my works, Friend with The Vex but can also read as a standalone.

“Cub, what are these?” Scar asked, his tone made it clear that it wasn’t confusion in his voice but disappointment, something that most of the hermits aren’t familiar with. Cub looked at the bugs and other recording devices that the man in front of him pulled out from his inventory.

“What do you mean, Scar? Those are just some equipment that’ll help me with showcasing the strange pineapple that I’ve mentioned.” The more the words coming out of his mouth the more he realized how bad of an idea playing dumb was. It’s one of the ConVex that he’s talking to, why would he think it’ll work?

“Cub, look. I know” Scar was trying his hardest to not just drop the still-quite-cheery demeanor but how was he supposed to do this when he, someone who was just trying to keep the hermits safe from danger, was still getting brushed off by someone that he had trusted so dearly, by someone like Cub...

“Scar, I can explai-” “What else are you going to say, that you’re doing all the hermits a service? Just cut the bullshit, Cub. What you’re really going over is some worthless diamonds, just admit it.”

It pained Scar to see Cub like this, the thirst for diamonds, the thirst that wasn’t even theirs in the first place. Yet Cub seems to run with it, Scar wasn’t sure if it was just to please their vex overlords or if they’ve successfully drilled it into Cub’s mind. Scar had already seen past those shiny blues, those that only become valuables when given a purpose, a purpose that Scar no longer cares about.

“They made me do it.” At that point Cub sounded desperate, just hoping for Scar to finally let him in so he can move onto getting enough information to sell to False.

“No They didn’t.” And Scar was right, They have no involvement in whatever Cub’s mind came up with a few days ago, despite how much the vex likes to occupy his thoughts and completely take over his mind. No the vex didn’t make him do it, they made him want to do it.

Scar knew what his friend was trying to do here, and surprisingly there’s no actual protocol for this type of situation that he can simply use as an excuse. Just as he was about to find another way to deny Cub’s entrance, a panicked message from Doc with the growl of Scara in the background could be heard in Scar’s earpiece.

He sighed, shot a weary glance at Cub before walking just enough away from the scientist to toggle something on his wristwatch. Cub can barely see anything other than the holographic interface just barely peeking out from Scar’s shoulder.

Just as Scar was talking into the earpiece, Cub gathered all the needed devices from the chest the mule was carrying and walked away, he listened for signs of Scar’s footsteps. The scientist was relieved when the military general could be heard walking away. Quickly bolting into the facility, he knew there’s no way to fix the mistake, so he went with it.

Cub knew he shouldn’t be doing this, yet the rational part of the brain was quickly taken over by the thirst for diamonds. The thirst of something that didn’t even matter for himself. No, Cub didn’t need diamonds personally, Cub needed the diamonds to please the Vex. If he can’t give his obedience to the Vex, then he’ll make up for it with the diamonds and power.

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this to Scar. Cub knew the general has a good intention, he was keeping the other unsuspecting hermits away from the dangers around Hermitcraft, yet here’s Cub, throwing Scar’s trust out of the window.

He walked around one of the hangers in the military base, he didn’t want to stay for long, he just wanted to get done with it as quickly as possible, get those diamonds from False and the hippies, and just be done with it. He didn’t want to be wandering around but what’s best distracting him from the thoughts in his mind than a hanger full of absurd and possibly dangerous objects and creatures that Doc and Scar had found?

He really wasn’t in the mood of contemplating whether he’s a horrible person or not, he just wanted to return to his motel, collapse onto the bed, and hopefully never thinking about it again. Yeah, that sounds a lot better than reflecting on his own thoughts and actions…

~

He watched as the Vex took a gander at the diamonds he made just from selling information of Area 77 to the hippies, Cub’s eyes nervously followed every slight movement around him, silently await the Vex to reveal what they’ll be giving the ConVex. It was like he was rolling the dice with the universe, letting random chances decide his fate.

Saying that it was nerve-wracking will be an understatement, and the Vex very much wanted to draw it out as long as possible, just to mess with Cub a little, they knew he can handle a lot more than just that.

“Very well, ConVex. The profit was unexpected but it seems you always have your ways to them, great.” One of the Vex stated. The high-pitched voice made Cub winced, the Vex didn’t even bat an eye on him but he felt… well, great, the small rush of endorphin from just the small praise was rare and treasured by Cub no matter how short it lasted.

It still meant that the Vex were satisfied with Cub’s work, and that for yet another time he was actually getting the approval of the Vex instead of the endless mistakes that they can pick out and the punishments that come with it…

But that wasn’t enough for Cub…

~

He wasn’t even sure what was going on, sure he can see, see everything that he’d done, but his mind’s a blur. He watched as he tried to get his brain functioning again.

Blood of the players, craters from tnt explosions, the decapitated heads of his friends… and Scar clinging tightly onto him as he mumbled.

“Cub…please, stop these. You’ve gone too far. Snap out of it, I beg you. _Please just let him go, you’ve already had your fun_.”

Cub could tell that the last part wasn’t for him, or at least his mind. He wasn’t sure if he really did what he thought he had done during Demise. The hermits were around him, yet no one other than the other ConVex was remotely close to him, all too afraid of _him_.

It was uncanny to see the hermits around him, all seemingly alive while the mutilated parts of their bodies were still very much in Cub’s line of sight. Sure, he knew that respawns are a thing, but it’s rare to be seeing corpses at the first place. Corpses usually only meant one thing, that your physical form was so damaged or broken that it’s impossible to be healed back, damages so severe that you couldn’t be able to stay alive without a new physical form.

Did he really do all of these? He knew he watched it happened, it’s just that… he didn’t expect the Vex to be wreaking havoc when he gave full control of his body to them. He let all of these happened, he voluntarily gave the Vex an opportunity to hurt his friends…

“Good job, Cub. Just look at what you did, incredible.” He felt an icy touch around his neck, slowly trailing down onto his back, as if it was patting him on the back. The high-pitched voice was way too easy to recognize. The praise sounded almost like a mock this time, taunting him once again.

Cub looked back down at Scar, Scar, his friend, the only person that he can truly trust… Wait, why, why that out of the two ConVex, he was the only one being possessed and being forced to do such horrible acts. Why only him! When Scar can just be equally cruel if he wants to…

_It’s always him and never Scar._ Cub grit his teeth at just the thought. Of course Scar is the one who isn’t involved in the madness of the Vex’s thirst for violence. Because why would they put their beloved prized possession in ways that could possibly harm him in the worst way possible? They couldn’t risk another prized horse of theirs snapping and breaking away, but _Cub,_ on the other hand, didn’t matter, _his skill did_ but never his wellbeing.

Scar’s always the loved one despite how hard Cub tried to compete for the spot too. _It’s always Scar…_

He knew he shouldn’t be feeling jealous, it wasn’t like Scar wasn’t in any pain that he had suffered through. Scar was practically in equal amount of pain, it’s just pained Cub to know that the main reason that he was being subjected to all these pain is because of himself.

He was the one that refused to act coy like Scar did. The Vex can take away take everything away from him, they already did, but the one thing that Cub refused to give up on is his persistence.

That was the thing that made him, well, him. The determination and stubbornness, it’s what Cub find comfort in, what brought him the success that also brought him the occasional praises from the Vex. Even if the trait had become a double-edged sword, that it was the reason he was enduring so much pain at the beginning, but without it, Cub is nothing, is just as worthless as what the Vex had once told him.

It wasn’t fair, why is his every action being frown upon even if he’s been working himself to death just to satisfy them when Scar is the “beloved” one for doing practically nothing. He had dedicated the entire season on Concorp, abandoning all the plans for projects that he previously had Deep down he knew that the thought was completely irrational, that Scar was in just as much pain from turning a blind eye at the abuse and torment that he was being put through for years.

He knew how much Scar was affected by all of this madness, he had seen Scar breaking down right in front of him several times after seeing what the Vex had done while occupying his body, the damage that they’ve done just for their own amusement.

There’s always the small whispers in the back of his mind, a sick, twisted thought that make him want to smile, knowing that Scar finally experienced the pain of becoming one of the ConVex. He knew he shouldn’t feel this way, he shouldn’t be finding comfort from his companion’s suffering. He shoved those thoughts away, even if the urge of leaving Scar to deal with his trauma alone was growing stronger as the Vex’s treatment to Cub was growing crueler, he still stayed on Scar’s side.

He wasn’t even sure why was he feeling all of the jealousy at the first place, it didn’t make him feel better about himself, heck, it only made him feel worse for even having those disgusting thoughts. Scar was the one trying to help him through this seemingly endless cycle of abuse, not only that Cub was the one that was actively refusing the help, he was the one that had hoped Scar to be experiencing the wrath of the Vex.

He’s a horrible friend, he had betrayed Scar’s trust way too many times, he had pulled Scar into situations that the adventurer didn’t want to be in in the first place, he had silently hoped Scar to be making mistakes just to see what kind of punishment the Vex has for him...

It hurts, but it felt so good, to be hearing praises from the Vex, no matter how rare it is, it meant that Cub was good, that he isn’t worthless. The ‘adorations’ from the Vex are short-lived, but Cub’s life had already become dependent on it. They were the only thin threads that are still letting him holding onto his sanity, even if they’re the very reason he ended up like this...

It hurts, but he still remembers the very words of approval from the Vex, the words that he desperately craves, when they saw the diamonds that managed to rake in and the chaos he was able to fuel, from exploiting his friends’ tendency of resolving conflicts with even more of them, enabling the destructive sides of the hermits…

It hurts, but he still remembers the feeling of honor when the Vex was actually seeing that, maybe, just maybe, he was good enough to be more than just something that they can toy or play with just to test his breaking point…

It hurts, but Cub is addicted to it...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, the person who's reading this. hope you "enjoy" this weird little fic that my brain came up with at 3 AM.
> 
> By the way, just be aware that I know that Cub's thoughts and his validation-seeking tendency are unhealthy, I am just using writing as my own way to vent. It's just that these are lowkey just me reflecting on some of my weirdest intrusive thoughts from a while ago, I always felt like I'm a horrible person for those fucked up thoughts but I kept them as far into the dark corner in my mind as possible. 
> 
> I always try to remind myself that they're just thoughts and that I am not actually inflicting harm onto others by not acting on any of them but it's starting to resurface so yeah, I'm writing this fic to cope with it.


End file.
